Now here’s a story

January 5th, 2009

I love used bookstores. Especially for obscure titles on weird stuff, such as GOD’S SECRET FORMULA by a certain Dr. Plichta wherein he explains all (not to mention that he reveals a rather massive ego that I found fascinating as an inadvertent character study). This kind of material sparks fiction ideas all over the place. Surfing the Internet can never duplicate browsing a dusty aisle.

I found “The World’s Weirdest Newspaper Stories” in a used book store some years back. It contains this story which seems to me an excellent outline for a novel, not the sort of novel I would write, but definitely something for mainstream women’s fiction (or guy fiction, depending):

“…[another] mother-in-law report was issued from Colorado … concerning the marriage of John and Paula Morris. Paula was a highly successful announcer with a local radio station. She had married John only on the understanding that they should not start a family until her career was entirely secure. So when their unplanned baby Jason was born only a year later, Paula grew concerned about her future.

To solve the problem, John Morris gave up his job as a ski instructor and agreed to look after the child. If he needed any assistance Paula’s widowed mother, Paulette Jamieson, who lived nearby, was at hand.

The arrangement worked well enough for two years, but collapsed one evening when Paula arrived home after a long stint at the radio station and John informed her: ‘I am suing for divorce.

He added: ‘You have become a disinterested mother and wife because of your career. Your mother and I are in love. We want to marry and take custody of little Jason.’

Paula moved out of the house that night, and soon afterwards countersued for divorce, accusing her mother of adultery and also bringing a case against her mother for alienation of affections. Forty-four year old Mrs. Jamieson, a striking blonde, told reports: ‘I don’t suppose my daughter will speak to me ever gain. I’m deeply sorry about that. But she has her career to think of. I have little Jason to consider.’

Attention surplus disorder

January 3rd, 2009

We all know what attention deficit disorder is. ADD is sexy and mediagenic these days. Getting all kinds of attention deficit type of attention.

So, what would “attention surplus disorder” be? Would it be the same as compulsive-obsessive behavior? I don’t know. The idea of attention surplus disorder came to me today because it is my job as writer to play with words and turn old ideas upsdie down and inside out.

Would I afflict a character with ASD? Sure, but if I were to give this slight idea some more heft, logically, it would be a person focused exclusively on one thing until the person’s attention is forced to another object or idea. Like staying in the shower and soaping down until the bar of soap is finished (an acquaintance did just that on an LSD trip, come to think of it). Or, ASD could just be a throwaway line in some dialogue:

Harassed mother about young son: “I’ve told him no a hundred times and even spanked him. He’s not allowed to play with my Glock.”

Friend: “Oh, he probably just has attention surplus disorder.”

Although, given the immense flexibility of the human condition, ASD probably actually exists under some other name in the DSM* and other psychological inventories.

* Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which probably should be on every writer’s bookshelf…

Is world peace possible?

January 2nd, 2009

I haven’t a clue.

But I do know it has to start with me.

A happy man shares some good stuff and also funny published excerpts

December 31st, 2008

I am truthfully a happy man – the grumpiness is just an occasional blog persona – and instead of New Year’s Resolutions, I will list the things of 2008 that made me happy.

1. Family (it sounds so cliche but is no less true for that).
2. Friends.
3. Fun surf and lots of it.
4. Writing.
5. Email from fans and readers—thank you!
6. Good books.
7. Used book stores.

And too many other things to list.

Now, actual excerpts from stories and such (these taken from FUNNY AMAZING, an old book I found in a used book store )

“The marriage suffered a setback in 1965 when the husband was killed by the wife.”

“He saw that she was a woman of over fifty, wore a blue silk blouse with a frothy fissure ornamented with much lace and the vagueness of one constantly tripping over in the habitual race against time.”

“I didn’t really mean to murder her, I just wanted to frighten her to death.”

“Like Adela, he had dark brown hair, with enormous black eyebrows, a mustache and short beard.”

“She looked relaxed in an attractive green, knitted Israeli dress in spite of her tight schedule.”

“‘God,’ muttered Armand Roche to himself, hiding a smile beneath the false black beard which he always carried in his portmanteau in case of an emergency.”

“His disappointment was keen, yet in after days he looked upon the evening as that date on which he burst from the chrysalis and became a caterpillar.”

“He had been aware from the first that she was unusually attractive; now, in her dark green dress with the low-cut neckline, he saw that she had lovely legs.”

“For nearly three quarters of an hour the fire blazed without any abatement, and it was only when it had burned itself out that there was any real diminution in the intensity of the flames.”

“‘Mr. Perkins might be able to help you,’ she said as she took down a dusty lodger from the shelf.”

“He stopped and relit his cigarette with a great light in his eyes.”

“”She sat huddled in a chair, covering her ears with her legs

“The first my client knew of the accident was when it occurred.”

“Across a broad stubborn nose he carried a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles, a neat grey lounge suit, and a blue shirt with collar to match.”

And of course we need a representation from the great genre of romance: “He did not loose her lips now but held them between his. She felt great thrilling waves running over her. His hands groped over her body—every touch made tremors run over her as she lay in his arms. And she was kissing him, kissing him on the neck – there were deep, mumbling sounds in his throat. He was laughing, a laugh deep down inside.”

To conclude, which students of writing craft and art will appreciate, a notice from a publisher: “Weidenfeld and Nicolson, who recently published “The Nightclerk”, would like to remind all booksellers that the book begins in the middle of a sentence on page 9.”

Now I go surfing at Turtle Island with a hundred new friends and I will whistle happily as I wait my turn and I will say to all, “Bitchin wave, dude!”

Grumpy man pleased by IRS; delighted by Christmas books; apologetic for comment he made

December 29th, 2008

I today received an unexpected US treasury check from the IRS. It says on the check that I am to use this money to stimulate the economy, which I will do by purchasing several months worth of cold sunset beers. I was getting worried about my beer funds, having given most generously to finance my children’s school fees (and also an Aceh orphan). The check didn’t specify the *American* economy, so I’ll stimulate the economy of my favorite used book bar. For the IRS to please a grumpy man — well, I just looked out the window and the pigs are still wingless and on the ground.

Below are the books I ordered as a Christmas present for myself. Most of them are non-fiction, because I love reading NF when I am in the throes and blows of writing F. The novel CHRISTY is an old Christian classic which I have to read as one of my protagonists is reading it. Another is the SIEGE OF KRISHNAPUR, for my own pleasure. The novel about mathematics and the play PROOF is pretty much for research, as one of my projects to be is a novel with a mathematician (a grown up version of MONSTER’S PROOF without the paranormal).

As for the comment: last post I said “Just say maybe to drugs” which caused a small stir. Look, this is a novelist’s blog, and every novelist has a perverse streak–I mean, it is our duty as writers of fiction to drag our protagonist by her neck through misery. So this rubs off in my posts. Drugs are meant for good and as with all things should be used responsibly and in moderation. For example, if you are going to shoot heroin*, then use a new needle, and buy smack from a trusted supplier–JUST KIDDING, my perverse streak. I mean legal drugs, okay, such as antibiotics for infections and cold beer at sunset for a day’s job well done.

* It the seventies, heroin was in abundant supply amongst Australian and American surfers in Bali, and I saw the stuff by the kilo, being smoked and snorted and mainlined, but I was never tempted, such a stupidness it caused — twice I saw two fully smacked up guys having an argument and trying to come to blows — hilarious and pathetic at the same time.

Christmas monologs: Nativity from a different point of view

December 28th, 2008

Here is what I wrote for the Christmas Eve service. Anybody who wants to use it, feel free, but crediting the source would be a nice courtesy.

************

MARY’S CAT

I’ve been with my mistress Mary since I was a young kitten and she was a young girl. I have trained her well.

I’m getting old, for a cat, and my life is good. Except there is this dumb dog who keeps coming around. His owner Joseph is engaged to Mary. After the wedding, the dog just has to go.

Yesterday evening I was up on the flat roof with my mistress. I was hunting for mice and Mary was looking up at the stars and sighing about Joseph. So good! So kind! So handsome!

And so dumb, I think. Any man who keeps a dog is a brain short of being smart.

A movement caught my eye. I looked up and saw an angel strolling down the starlight to the roof. Now, we cats see angels all the time, but humans don’t.

But Mary definitely sees this angel. She’s frightened out of her wits. I rub myself around her ankles. Calm down, I tell her.

The angel says to Mary that God has blessed her and that she will have a baby. Not just any baby, but the Son of God, the promised Messiah. She is to name him Jesus.

“This isn’t possible!” Mary exclaims. “I’m not even married yet!”

The angel tells her that the Holy Spirit would make it happen.

“I am the servant of the Lord,” Mary says. “Let it be as you say.”

Mary sits back down her blanket. She is worried and troubled. “Oh Queenie,” she says to me, “what on earth are people going to think? An unmarried woman, pregnant?”

Who cares what people think? This is God’s plan. His mysteries are often quite clear to us cats, but this is the most glorious mystery of the ages. And it is about to unfold. How proud I am to be part of it! I jump on Mary’s lap and purr loudly. There is nothing to worry about, I tell her.

She strokes my fur. Peace settles on her. She becomes as radiant as the stars above.

“Praise be to God,” she murmurs. “How blessed I am among women!”

JOSEPH’S DOG

I’m a dog with a very sensitive nose, and boy, do I smell trouble. My master Joseph is in his carpentry shop and something is bothering him. He sure is sighing a lot.

Oh, I know! He needs to play. I grab the ball of carpenter’s twine and run around him. Come on, Joseph, let’s play fetch!

“Not now, Caesar,” he says. “Go lay down.”

Joseph is engaged to Mary. She has a cat. Maybe that’s the problem. If I was a man, I wouldn’t want to marry a woman who has a cat.

Sure enough, Joseph puts down his saw and says to me, “I can’t marry her, Caesar. I just can’t. I’ll have to break the engagement.”

Woof—that’s pretty drastic. Just get rid of the cat, not Mary.

“But I don’t want to shame her,” he says. “She’s a good woman. I’ll have to do it quietly. And I will pray for her and her baby.”

Hunh? Baby? What? I’m confused again.

“I’m so tired,” Joseph says. “I’m going to have a nap.” He stretches out in the shop’s hammock. He falls into a troubled sleep, twisting and turning.

Then something appears and stands by the hammock. I don’t know what it is. It smells like sugar and metal sparks. I start to bark, but then something tells me this thing isn’t dangerous. Matter of fact, it might have a snack for me. It’s talking to Joseph, but I don’t understand what it’s saying.

Joseph is still sleeping. A smile spreads across his face. The thing leaves, and soon Joseph wakes. He sits up with a dazed but happy look.

“I just had this dream,” he says to me. “An angel told me not to be afraid to marry her. That this is all God’s plan. She will have a son and we are to name him Jesus.” Joseph gets out of the hammock and rubs my head. “I’m going to marry her, Caesar. Isn’t that just absolutely wonderfully terrific? I feel like I could run a hundred leagues and jump over Herod’s palace.” He picks up the ball of twine. “Come on, boy, let’s go out and play.”

HEROD’S FOX

I’m a fox, caged in King Herod’s throne room. He likes my company. Today he’s pacing back and forth in his fancy robes, muttering to himself. He’s making me dizzy, just watching him.

Earlier today some wise men from the East visited. “Where is the new born king of the Jews?” they asked. “We saw his star.”

Herod doesn’t want anybody else to be king, that’s for sure. The news upset up. This is why he’s pacing.

He comes over to my cage. “I am king of the Jews,” he roars. “So who are they taking about, this other king?”

I scratch myself, ignoring Herod. It’s obvious who the other king is. This is common knowledge among us foxes. The other king is none other than the promised Messiah.

Just as I think this, Herod’s eyes widen. Above his crowned head I can practically see a candle lighting up. “The Messiah!” he exclaims. “That’s who they’re taking about.”

He sits on his throne and orders his servants to call in priests and teachers. “Where can I find this promised Messiah?” he asks them.

“You can find him in Bethlehem,” they say.

After they are dismissed, Herod starts pacing again. “What should I do?” he mutters. He stops by my cage and strokes his beard in thought. “I could send in the soldiers and kill every male baby in Bethlehem,” he says. “That would take care of this messiah king problem.”

Such a stupid idea. Typical Herod, too. Of course, he’s King, and he could do it, no problem. But Herod will burn down a building to get rid of a flea. I look at him. Think like a fox, I tell him.

Above his head a whole bunch of candles flare up. He sits back down on his throne and calls in the wise men of the East. In his most oily and sincere manner, he tells them, “Once you find this child king, please do come and tell me, so I can go and worship him too.”

I smile to myself. Now that is how a fox would think.

INNKEEPER’S DONKEY

A donkey’s life is never an easy one, especially if you have a master like mine. He’s a greedy innkeeper in the town of Bethlehem. There’s only one thing Master Raka likes better than money, and that’s even more money.

Right now the inn is absolutely jam-packed. Everybody has to travel to their hometowns for a census, and Raka is taking advantage of the tired and hungry travelers. He has people sleeping on the floors. He even kicked his own mother out of her room in the back so he can rent it out.

At least I still have my stall in the shed.

But wait—what’s this? Master Raka is leading a couple across the courtyard. They’re heading this way. The woman is heavily pregnant. Master Raka prattles to them. “You’re lucky. It’s the last spot I have. There was a last minute cancellation. It’s a super savings economy room, breakfast not included.”

Master Raka grabs me by the ear and hauls me out of my stall. “Get,” he hisses. I skedaddle out the back door but still keep watching, peering around Master Raka’s fat rear end.

The husband looks around. “But it’s just an animal shed,” he says.

His wife leans against him. “Oh, honey, who cares. I’m so tired, anything will do.”

“Pardon me for asking, ma’am,” Master Raka says, “but how many months pregnant are you?”

“Any day now,” she says. There is something to her. A glow.

Master Raka rubs his hands together. “Well, if you have the baby here, there’ll be a charge for an extra guest.”

This makes me so angry that I nip my master’s backside. “Ow!” he yells. He raises his fist at me, glaring. I glare back. You fool, I think, don’t you know what’s going on here? You should be giving this woman your room. You should be dancing in the streets, throwing your money to the poor.

When Master Raka leaves, I inch back into the stall. The woman is lying on her husband’s coat in the dirty straw. She puts a hand to her belly and smiles at me.

And you know what? All the burdens I’ve staggered under, all the beatings I’ve ever gotten, all of a sudden they hardly matter.

SHEPHERD’S SHEEP

I’m proud of being a sheep—it’s my shepherd who embarrasses me. You think we smell, take a whiff of him. When we’re happily grazing on a field, he’ll ponder the hill across the valley and say, “I think the grass is greener there.” And off we go again. We’re the skinniest flock on the hills.

Our shepherd uses clouds as landmarks. He gets lost a lot. We have to keep an eye on him and gently herd him in the right direction.

So this one night the flocks are together and the shepherds are yakking and telling stories around the campfire. I go to sleep on the edge of my flock. Suddenly I’m nudged awake by a strange man who is wearing very white robes. He is leaking light around his edges. “Where is your shepherd?” he asks me.

“I don’t know,” I said.

“I have a very important announcement to make,” the man says. “Could you please go find him?”

So I go off and find my shepherd, who’s lost as usual, wondering which campfire is his. When the shepherds are all together again, the man in the white robes appears, this time floating in air. The shepherds yell in fright.

“Don’t be afraid,” the angel says, “I have good news. Today your savior was born in Bethelem. He is Christ your Lord! You will find him in a manger.”

The whole sky lights up as other angels appear. “Glory to God!” they sing. Our shepherds bow in awe. When the angels disappear, the shepherds exclaim, “Let’s go see this baby, our Savior and Lord!”

So off they hurry. I decide I’d better go along and make sure my shepherd stays with the others. Besides, I’m curious to see what a new-born King and Savior looks like.

We finally come to an overflowing inn and push our way to the animal shed out the back. The shepherds crowd inside. I have to sneak under a donkey’s legs to have a look.

I am very disappointed. The baby is just like any other newborn baby, ugly and wrinkled and red.

But my shepherd is kneeling before him. The others, too. Above the, the angels shimmer.

And then I know.

This newborn baby is going to be the Great Shepherd. He will find the lost and bring them home.

Glory be to God!

Grumpy man calls a Christmas Gift Foul

December 26th, 2008

A Christmas Gift Foul is a foul in which the value of the gift you gave is at least 25 percent greater than the gift you got.

I love my wife and I appreciated the coffee plunger she gave me, and the picture shows its Inaugural Cup, but I gave her a new car! Hers is getting old and unsafe to drive. A coffee plunger vs. a new car? Man, you can call this one blind! Unfair! Unfair! Christmas Gift Foul!

And the new car she got from me:

(she does have a lovely head, my wife, but I cropped it out of the picture out of sheer upsettedness — she could at least have gotten me a new surfboard)

In my years of life, I have discovered that there is a subset species of homo sapiens with no sense of humor, called homo soberus solemnsiansus, so to these let me say I am just kidding, and a merry Christmas to everyone and I hope you gifted well and lovingly and received in kind. And remember, “just say maybe to drugs!” (which of course means the proper kind of drug for the appropriate situation)

Finally, at long last, after a miserable year of blows and setbacks, my ship has arrived!

December 24th, 2008

(In truth, a moment of sympathy for whoever was on this yacht and missed the notorious Benoa harbor entrance, they must not be having a very merry Christmas)

A very UP TO DATE version of 12 Days of Christmas

December 22nd, 2008

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A bankrupt pension and a bad economy

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two mortgages
A bankrupt pension and a bad economy

On the third day of Christmas my true love game to me
Three GM SUVs
etc

Four subpoenas

Five Lehman brothers

Six Madoff options

Seven IRS audits

Eight filibusters

Nine lobbyists a-leaping

Ten senators a-sleeping

Eleven Joe plumbers plumbing

Twelve headaches aching

MONSTER’s PROOF: Prologue & First Chapter

December 19th, 2008

Here it is, from my final draft manuscript. I’ll move to the sidebar later. Novel is coming out July next year.

Prologue

The gray metal trunk arrived at 15 Beechwood Drive in River Oaks, Illinois, on a warm Thursday noon in July.

A delivery van pulled up to the curb, halting underneath a maple tree, its shade thick as fudge. Darby sat on the front steps of his house, playing with his Etch-a-Sketch. His mom had given it to him for his third birthday. Now, sevens later, he was an expert. His chubby fingers dialed the knobs, drawing conic sections. He especially liked hyperbolas. They made his teeth feel all zingy.

The delivery man opened the van’s back door. Using a hand trolley, he wheeled the trunk down the ramp, leaning back against the heavy weight. On the side of the trunk, stenciled in thick white letters, was the name DR LUDAVICA ELL, and beneath that was a street address in Los Alamos, New Mexico, was locked with a three-digit combination lock.

The delivery man paused before the steps. “Hey, little boy, anybody home?”

Darby squinted against the bright sun. “Me.”

The man waved his clipboard. “I mean somebody who can sign this.”

“I can. I know how to write my name. In cursive, too.”

“That so? Your mom home?”

“She’s at work.” Darby stood and yelled through the open door. “Dad! Somebody’s here!”

Steps sounded, and a lanky man appeared in the doorway, a piece of chalk in his hand. The delivery man glanced at his clipboard. “Dr. Jerry Ell?”

Jerry’s gaze fell to the trunk. “Here already? That was quick.”

“What is it?” Darby asked.

“Aunt Ludy’s trunk.” He said to the delivery man as he signed, “The storage company had the gall to try to charge me for all the years they’d forgotten about it. Can you help me carry it up to the attic?”

“Ain’t allowed. But listen, how about you write me a prescription for sleeping pills?”

“Sleeping pills?”

“Those damn Cubs. Get me all worked up and I can’t fall asleep.”

“Ah. I’m not a physician. I’m a professor. A mathematician.”

“Hey. Wow. I’ve read about you guys but I’ve never met a real live one before. How about ten bucks, then?”

Jerry agreed.

The delivery man and Jerry hoisted the heavy trunk by the side handles.

Darby followed them into the hall, still carrying his Etch-a-Sketch. “What’s in it, Dad?”

“Books,” his dad grunted.

Darby’s great-aunt Ludy was in a private home, near the big state hospital in Elgin. The Ells visited her twice a year. A brilliant mathematician, she had worked for the government on the first hydrogen bomb project. Top secrets buzzed in that frizzy white-haired head of hers. She’d been in the South Pacific to see the bomb explode, and then a year later she had gone crazy. Now she wore an aluminum hat shaped like a star that she said kept alien numbers from reading her mind. Not only that, but government spies sometimes hid under her bed. She chased them out with her fractal sword, which was just a walking cane wrapped in gold foil.

Jerry tugged on the pull-down stairs, and the telescoping steps clattered open. The men hauled the trunk into the dim attic and stowed it in a corner by the old National Geographics. Through the dormer window Darby could see his nine-year-old sister Livey climbing a tree, with her best friend Chantelle giving her a hands-up.

After paying the man and closing the front door, Jerry returned to the attic.

Darby had just opened the combination lock. “Two five seven,” he announced.

“How’d you guess?” Jerry said.

“Two, five, and seven are prime numbers and 257 is a prime number, too.”

Jerry grinned. “That’s my boy.” He lifted the lid. Within the trunk were textbooks and math journals. He pulled out a thick tome and read the title. “Handbook of Mathematical Functions, Allen Fishbach, Editor.” Sitting down on a short stack of National Geographic magazines, he idly flipped through the pages.

Darby wormed his way under his dad’s arms. The pages were dense with formulae and equations.

“A bit advanced for you, son,” Jerry said. “One day you’ll understand them.”

Darby pointed to some scribbling in the margins. “What’s that?”

“Looks like something your great-aunt jotted down. Hmmm. She seems to be defining a Hilbert space of all Hilbert spaces—”

“What’s a Hilbert space?”

“It’s like our three dimensional space but much more abstract. Let’s see. She’s applying an operator to this function…” Jerry’s voice trailed off. He turned the page, where the scribbling continued. At the bottom, Ludavica Ell had written Is this thingamabob for real? Needs proof.

“Looks like she’s conjectured some sort of mathematical object,” Jerry said. He chuckled. “A thingamabob conjecture. I have a few of those myself.”

Darby pointed out the window. “Livey just fell from the tree.”

Jerry Ell tossed the book aside and rushed out to his daughter. She lay crumpled on the ground, her leg twisted under her. She was biting her lip hard, refusing to cry. Jerry sped her to the hospital’s emergency room. From there, he called his wife at nearby Fermilab, where she worked as a theoretical physicist.

Maria Ell drove as fast as she could to the hospital. After comforting her daughter, who was rather proud of the cast being put on her leg, Maria turned to her husband. “Where’s Darby?”

“Hunh?”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, you didn’t leave him at the house all alone, did you?”

Jerry stared blankly at his wife.

Maria grabbed her hand bag. “You stay here with Livey. I’ll go home.”

Jerry thought for a moment and then called out after her, “He’s up in the attic.”

When Maria got home, she found her son still up in the attic, playing with his Etch-a-Sketch.

“Hi, Mom,” he said. “I have a new friend.”

She gathered him up in a relieved hug and pressed his nose. “Which friend is that?”

“Bob.”

She frowned, thinking of the neighbors. Did any of them have a boy named Bob? “Where does he live?”

“In Hilbert space. He’s funny. He looks like this.” Darby showed his mom the Etch-a-Sketch, on which he’d drawn a tangle of triangles.

“That’s wonderful,” Maria said. She absently picked up a book and chucked it in the trunk, which she slammed shut with her elbow. Darby tossed the Etch-a-Sketch aside and squirmed out of her arms. “Can me and Bob watch Scooby-Doo?”

His mother watched him dash down to the living room, shaking her head. After descending to the hallway, she shut the stairs.

In the stuffy, shadowed warmth of the attic, a little brown spider began to build its web on Ludavica Ell’s metal trunk.

Chapter 1 — Seven years later

Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep.

Godeliva Elizabeth Ell, known to all as Livey, opened a bleary eye to squint at her alarm clock. “Shut up,” she mumbled.

The rubberized alarm clock rolled off the lamp stand. It zigzagged around the room on its wheels, beeping louder and louder.

With a growl, Livey flung off her bedcovers and chased it down. She finally cornered the clock by her desk. “Shut up!” she said as she hurled it across the room. The clock bounced harmlessly off her dresser and fell silent to the carpet. Throwing it against something was the only way to turn it off.

Livey hated the thing with a passion, but she tolerated it because it did its job, which was to get a sixteen-year-old girl who was so not a morning person out of bed. One of her mother’s inventor friends had given it to Livey three years ago, just before her parents’ divorce.

After showering, she dressed in her blue-and-gold cheerleading uniform. It wasn’t a game day, but the River Oaks Record wanted classroom photographs for an article on the River Oaks High cheerleaders. From her desk, she picked up an old red Etch-A-Sketch that she’d found in the attic yesterday when she was looking for things to donate to a cheerleaders’ fund raising drive. She went down the hall and opened the door to Darby’s bedroom. Her ten-year-old brother was scrunched under the blanket, sound asleep with one of their dad’s math texts open on the cover beside him. He hadn’t taken off his glasses, which were skewed on his face.

Livey bent to shake him awake, but her attention was caught by the chapter title in the math book. “Mathematical Monsters and Pathological Math Functions.”

A lot of kids read horror comics for their chills and thrills. Her brother, on the other hand, read scary math. “Rise and shine, genius,” she said, shaking his shoulder. “Your Shedd Aquarium field trip’s today.”

He sat up, yawning. She showed him the Etch-a-Sketch. “Look what I found.”

He stopped yawning and straightened his glasses. “Where’d you get that?”

“In the attic. I want to give it away for a charity drive.”

“It’s mine,” he said, reaching for it.

“That’s why I’m asking.”

“You weren’t asking. You were announcing.” He studied the triangles drawn on the screen’s silver coating. His brows dipped and his face twitched as though he were trying to remember something. Then his expression smoothed. “Bob,” he said.

Bob? A distant memory came to Livey. “You mean your old imaginary friend? You were like, four. You’ve outgrown him and you’ve outgrown that. Can I have it?”

He shook his head. “It’s mine.”

Livey left the room with an exasperated sigh. He didn’t really want it, but he wouldn’t let her have it either, just on principle. Younger brothers, she decided, should be starved for a week each month, but in the kitchen, she dutifully made him his lunch, as she did every school day. Two slices of white bread with a generous slab of Skippy Super Chunk peanut butter, topped with grape jelly. Any grape jelly would do, but the peanut butter had to be Skippy Super Chunk. Darby wouldn’t eat anything else. As she munched on her own breakfast, a raisin bagel, she got out the casserole from the freezer and put it in the fridge to defrost for dinner that evening. Their housekeeper, Mrs. Blink, came in three days a week to clean and make dinners, including extra ones that she froze for the days she didn’t work.

Wiles limped to the bowl of dry cat kibble. As a kitten, he’d had an encounter with a garbage compactor that had mangled his right front leg. He sniffed the kibble with disdain and meowed at Livey.

She wasn’t moved to pity. “You know how many starving cats in India would love to have that?”

Her father rushed out of his bedroom, the edge of his battered briefcase sticking out of his backpack. “Morning, Livey.”

“Dad.”

“Yes?”

“Look in the mirror.”

He leaned back to look in hallway mirror, and blinked at the full coating of shaving cream still on his jowls. “Throw me a dish towel, will you?” He wiped off the cream. A big chin and long cheeks appeared. “Had this idea while I was lathering up. Wanted to write it down before I forgot.”

Livey just shook her head. After the divorce, her dad had become obsessed with proving the Riemann Hypothesis, the world’s greatest unsolved mathematical problem. Livey, who had trouble with basic algebra, knew more about the Riemann Hypothesis than she cared. The Hypothesis was this incredibly exciting idea that all the zeros of something called the zeta function were on a straight line. Well, excuse me, she thought, the non-trivial zeros. Mathematicians were always making a fuss over what was trivial and what was not. The way her dad was fixated on the stupid hypothesis, working all hours of the night on it, he was becoming bones and shadow and now unshaved bristles.

He chucked the towel in the sink and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Go Falcons.”

She gave him a look. “We’re the Eagles, Dad.”

But he was grinning. As he opened the hall door to the garage he said, “How come you never hear of a team called the Buzzards?”

A moment later, she saw him riding down the street. Other dads drove cars. Some rode bicycles. Her father? He rode his unicycle. Like he was a circus performer. It was so embarrassing to see him on that thing. There were times when Livey had to pretend she didn’t even know him.

Darby wandered out of his room, dressed in his blue school uniform, the collar of his jacket sticking up, his backpack slung over one shoulder, the Etch-a-Sketch in his hand. He paused in the hall for a moment to glance at the pull-down stairs to the attic.

In the kitchen, he shook the Etch-A-Sketch, erasing the triangles. “Didn’t Mom give this to me for a birthday present?”

When their mom had left, Darby had thrown away every single thing she had ever given him. The Etch-a-Sketch had been a birthday gift. Livey even remembered the blue-and-white wrapping. “I don’t know,” she said.

Darby put the toy on the counter and plucked the meat cleaver from the knife rack. Using its dull edge, he smashed the glass.

“Darby!” Livey yelled.

“Don’t worry, I’ll throw it the garbage.” He pried open his lunch sandwich to inspect the contents. “Did you use Super Chunk?”

“That was really stupid. You should have given it to me.”

“Is this Super Chunk?”

The other week, she had tried to trick him with a different brand. The sandwich had come home untouched. He hadn’t said anything, just whirred it into mush in the garbage disposal. “When have I ever not used it?” she asked, faking her offended tone.

With the tip of his finger, Darby pushed his glasses up his nose, leaving a smear of peanut butter on the lens. “Last Wednesday.”

Through the kitchen window, Livey watched him march out into the clear, cool September morning. The garbage cans were by the road side for pickup. He tossed the ruined Etch-a-Sketch into one.

Her poor brother. During the summer, his best friend Charlie who lived just a block away, had moved out of state. Then, two weeks after starting the school year at River Oaks Middle School, the teachers had thrown up their hands trying to teach a ten-year-old genius who read college level math texts for fun and who had re-written the U.S. Constitution for a history lesson. An anonymous donor had come up with a scholarship, and Darby had been transferred to the private and expensive Newton Academy for Gifted Children, way on the north side of town. He’d been attending for three weeks now and still hadn’t spoken of a single person there.

“God, please let him make friends,” Livey murmured.

A school bus halted at the corner where Darby waited, staring down at his shoes. He startled when the driver tapped on his horn. Squaring his shoulders, he climbed aboard.